Well.

Here I am, 10:49 pm on a Saturday night, crying over a dumb ass guy.
I don't know what it is? The fact that he didn't want me, but is now in a relationship? Or that he didn't want a relationship but is in one now???
Yes, I facebook creeped. Now I wish that I didn't. :(

Maybe it was the age difference between us? Idk. UGH. I feel like shit.

This isn't good.... cause that must mean that the guy I've been seeing/hanging out with, I don't like as much as I did?

I have been feeling SOOO depressed lately. I don't know what it is? Being broke all the time, trying to pay bills and shit and not having enough, my mom, brothers and especially my little girl leaving for almost two months. I mean, I love my dad, but summer alone with him is not what I'd envisioned my summer as being, and it's not like I can do anything over the summer since I have to cover for my mom's job. Just sucks.

I wish that I could win the lottery or something.... those people that say money can't buy you happiness are clearly delusional and ridiculous! I'd be the happiest fucking person on earth if it was me that won.. :(

Birthday is a little over a month away.... I just feel like it will be just a wreck. I haven't had a good birthday in a while and I'd love for this one to be good, but I just have no hope left for anything anymore.

FUCK. I wish I didn't facebook creep. :(
Nick and I last hooked up like a few days to a week from when he and her got "in a relationship" with each other on facebook. Which is probably why the last thing he said to me was really fucking not like him and totally assholeish. She's not even that pretty =( and looks old. Blah.

Well I will eventually get over him I guess... maybe this new dude can help. Or I just need to drop him too and not meet anymore dudes at all, since obviously they're not really doing me any good but making me feel like shit!

I think I might still try my diet this summer. Just need to think of a good timeline, get some money, and get skinnyier again. I've really let myself go and feel like shit over it. I can't stand looking at pictures that people take of me and see how awful I look :( Maybe once I look better on the outside, I will feel better on the inside? I'm just disappointed in myself for letting myself go soo freaking badly. I'm at the highest weight I've ever been in my life... I even weighed less when I was pregnant.... which is just horrible.

Well, if I continue, it will be just about how shitty I feel about myself, and how shitty things are so I will stop. Just needed to get this out I guess.