Blah.

I'm just confused as hell. And everything irritates me and annoys me. This is what annoyed me this morning when I got on Facebook. Quote from my basically estranged "best friend": That just annoys me. She's turned so..... un-classy? All she talks about are her boobs (which are not that great by the way, neither is her body... or her face for that matter) and how guys think she's so hot. I'm not trying to bash on her or anything (even tho I basically am) but I'm just annoyed. It's all I ever hear. And I don't see what guys see in her, ( well, she willingly talks about sex and puts out too easily and exhudes sluttyness) but I can't even talk to her anymore. She's such a different person, it's crazy. I know I've changed too, but I feel like my change has been in a good way. My personality is definitely exactly the same as it's been for the past 7 or 8 years that we've known each other. I've just become more mature, and responsible.

"I went to walmart to buy new scrubs, cuz my boobs dont fit in a size small. anyhoot, while there, an Asian man looked toward me and asked (my boobs) how there were doing. how polite of him. i said "we're good!"

What REALLY REALLY pisses me off is how, it's ALWAYS MEE who texts her first or asks to hang out and she ALWAYS gives me total bullshit excuses about how she's busy and this and that, but on FB it's always like "oh had so much fun with so and so" and people write her saying they had fun, or say "let's make plans" and they do, but when it comes to me she's always busy. And this from someone I thought I could ALWAYS depend on, no matter what happened. It's sad. We were inseperable since 7th grade. All the way through high school, and even til most of the first year after. We even had a little mess around my 19th birthday, but we got over that and were still hanging out a lot, and now it's like every 4-6 months, or even longer. Last time I saw her was in January. And before that was like October, and before that it was even longer. It makes me sad. I miss her friendship. I was there for her through a lot of shit, and now I can't even be there for her anymore because she won't let me, basically. We went from knowing EVERYTHING about each other, and I mean EVERYTHING. We shared everything, deep secrets and all, and now we don't even know each other. It's awkward when we talk, even more awkward when we hang out. Anyways, I can't write about this anymore, it's making me sad and upset. I wish I could tell her this. But I don't need any more drama.


So, at school, in the bookstore, there's this guy who works there who's not really conventionally hot or anything, but he is kinda cute, and he's really fun to talk to, so I've been stopping in every now and then to chitchat. Well, on monday, he finally gave me his phone number and I texted him, and either he sucks at texting or just really doesn't want to talk to me... we were talking on monday, and I SWEAR I had told him I had a kid, but I might not have, but I mentioned that I live with my parents still and have a kid and it was like he was thrown off or something. It was kinda awkward. And Idk if it's gonna go anywhere. Hell, I don't even now if he thinks I'm cute or anything anyways, and I'm not making any moves and making a fool of myself, I'm done with that.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't wait for school to be done. I REALLY REALLY want to take a semester off. I feel like I REALLY need that. More than anything. I'm so stressed and overwhelmed it's crazy. I need a day to myself, by myself. I just want to cry, listen to music, cry, watch sappy movies, and cry! I need a day to let it all out before I go nuts and have a mental breakdown too early in my life.

Blah.