Haven't posted anything in a while.... but hadn't had anything to post really. I've been fine and whatnot the past few weeks. Got finally over the whole Ash and Nick thing. Got back on a couple free dating sites and started talking to this guy. We've been messaging on the site for over a week and texting for a week. Just got back from dinner with him and I have no idea what's going on. We never brought up dating or anything, it was all just good, actual conversation. He took me to dinner tonight and convo was good. For whatever reason I thought we'd do something after dinner, but I guess I was wrong... it was kinda awkward afterwards. I don't even know what kinda vibes there were... if any. Guess I'm bad at picking that up. I said even if nothing comes out of it, he'd be a nice friend to have but I don't even know if he even wants to be friends. I just felt like I wasn't what he expected. Idk. I thought I looked pretty cute, and my little girl was like "Wow mom, you look so so amazing" and it was THE CUTEST THING IN THE WORLD. So that gave me confidence... and now I'm just bummed. Back to my old self, feeling like shit, and feeling like I'll never find a nice good guy for me. I just need to shed some fucking weight before I can even begin feeling good about myself. And for whatever reason, that just doesn't really work for me. I always have such a hard time. I did loose like 5 pounds in the last week and a half... not sure how or what I did, but I hope it continues working.
Aghhhhhhhhh. I'm so annoyed, frustrated, stressed and so much more with so much in my life, it would be SO wonderful to have someone to lessen all that and be there for me. But with the people I seem to meet, it's like that's freaking impossible. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't wait for the summer to start fully for me... my mom and brothers will be away for 2 months... my little girl is going too and I'll miss her like crazy, but I think I'll spend my summer like I did last... all alone and sleeping a lot. It would just be nice to meet someone and spend time with them, so I'm not alone. Or at least make more friends.
I'm hoping my birthday plans actually work out. Not sure if they really will though, if it's anything like my spring break plans. I really hope they go through tho, I need to have at least something to look forward to... and I'm not even sure how much I'm looking forward to that.
I can't type anymore. Feel too shitty, so that's it for now.
You already have 2 plans for this summer....1st is HP @ midnight with me....2nd is I am getting you severely drunk and partying for your birthday :)
ReplyDeleteTrust me, I understand your frustrations, I am there too. But ya know what, we are better than all those fuckers that we have been talking to. :)