Clever blog title.

So, I've been in a basically depressed slum this past weekend. And it's my fault. After that text with Nick where he said he needs a break then we'll see where it goes, I was obviously confused, cause shit, IT WAS JUST SEX. Nothing else. Who wants a break from that?? Well, obviously him.

Friday night I went to a little show with my friend Ashley and her bf Henry. Of course, as always when I'm with them, I felt like the third fucking wheel. Anyways, we went to the show, it was pretty shitty. I was feeling like crap anyways before I went, I didn't want to go, but I wanted to be there for her so I went anyways, and she was paying so hey, why not right? So I get home before 12, and then watched some TV, fooled around on FB, and for whatever reason I decided to text Nick. The conversation is as follows:

Me: " You really confuse me Nick. :|"

Him: "Why"

Me: "Idk. Guess I thought it was going fine with just keeping it casual and only sex, but then you need a break? From sex? Prettygood sex too. Guess I was too needy. Ah sorry for this&texting you so late." (It was like 1 am ha.)

Him: "Its cool im still up. Your a nice girl but im not the type of guy u need to think about. Move on with your life"

Me: "Okay. Whatever. Coulda had something good. Have a nice life Nick."

Now, did I not have the right to be upset over that? Or was I just overreacting? This is coming from a 31 year old man, who's fucking bald, has a beer belly, he is not hot, or sexy, or attractive or whatever, and yet I still liked him and gave him a shot. And to have him tell me to move on with my life as if my life depended on him, that I need him so bad? That's the one thing I HATE being told to, to "move on with my life" Fuck you dude. Move on with your life. WTF do you do? NOTHING. You don't have a real job, you go to MMI to work on bikes, (sure he was in the army and all but that was at least 7 years ago), that's all you basically do and your thirty fucking one.
Here I am, 20 fucking years old, not even 21 yet, juggling a full time job, full time school, full time parenting, and trying to still have a social life. I have no time for anything, and yet I still make time for friends or guys I'm dating, so why is it so hard for guys who are like Nick, to make some time for me? I don't get it.
I've been so stressed lately. It's insane. It was nice to have him (someone) to go to after a long ass day, and just sit on the couch, cuddle and watch tv and just talk. And now I don't have that, so I get pissed and frustrated at work, then that doubles at school and by the time I get home I don't want to talk to anyone or do anything. I just want to lay in bed and watch tv til I fall asleep. Except I can't sleep. I'm running on almost a month of shitty sleep. I don't know what to do about it. Bleh.



I need a break so so so bad. From working, school, life, everything. I wish I could just drive somewhere by myself or a friend(that I have so very few of, but that's a whole 'nother blog post), and just have simple fun. Even if it is for just a day. But guess that's just wishful thinking.