What did I get myself into?

Oh jeeze....

So, a couple posts ago... remember Nick? Yeah, well I'd been thinking about him A LOT lately, and I came to a conclusion that I really missed him... a lot. And then I realized, I liked him a lot more than I originally thought I did... so I got compelled to text him.

So I did. And I honestly did not think that he'd actually reply, and when he did, I was like "OH.EM.GEE!"

It was small talk and what not, til he asked what I was dreading "So why did you text. Didnt think u would want to talk 2 me"
So I say " Kinda missed you. I really liked spending time with you. And I can't hold a grudge. And I pass the old people bar everyday and it makes me think of you. Lol :P"
He says "Haha. I realized that I really didn't want a relationship. I still feel bad about it." and I say " should have just said so." and he says "I know. I'm a dick." and I'm thinking YES YOU AREEEEEEEEEEEE! Lol but write "Yeah, it was kind of a dick move. Can't lie. Hah, but had you said something, I'd have backed off."
Him: "I'm sorry" then I go overboard lol and say "It's okay. It's over now. Just me being a girl, I of course was like "Great, wtf did I do wrong this time." hah cause I thought it was going kinda well and that you kinda liked me then just stopped talking. It sucked. hah."

And the goes "I gotta be honest I do miss the sex."

sdfafakj;lhfdskjghs;ghsgjsjshd;. Frustrating as fuck. I wished that I just fucking SUCKED in bed, lol. But thankfully I'm pretty good. But of course, I was like "me too!" cause, I gotta be honest, I did too. He was greaaaaaaat. And I missed him. and of course wanted to see him. Soooooooo I did. I went to his house. Ahhhhhh. the feelings came all back when I saw him and I was like "great, way to fucking go Kat! what did you bring yourself into"

So he shows me his new baby, his new bike. I'm still my dorky and ditzy self. He asks if I'm sure I'm okay with what we're doing and just being causal, and I'm like "but of courseeeeee" and then he asks if he still gets kisses, as I kiss him. Ahh. LOL. And then he actually says he missed me, and I was like Fuck yes! Ha.


I know this is going to be suuuuuch a bad idea. I'll still have all the feelings and shit and he'll get his sex. But we didn't just jump in his bed and get it on when I got there. We sat on his couch and watched tv a little, and cuddled and kissed and it was like nothing ever happened. Like nothing had changed at all. But it has. Everything's changed.

This will be really fucking hard for me to try to keep my feelings away and just keep it casual. I guess there's nothing wrong with casual dating and sex, but I do want a relationship.... I was on eHarmony for a reason.
Oh speaking of eHarmony... the guy I last met off there Ash, yeah I think I'm just his bootycall. Great.
I seriously don't know why or how I keep getting myself into this situation!!


I kind of feel like screaming. I think I'll see how things go with Nick. Who knows, maybe I can make him want a relationship with me and maybe I'll realize I really don't want him.
Or maybe I just need to stay single for a while, after all, God has a plan for everyone, right?